


rawest form

by Adamarks



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: M/M, it's just tender idk what else to say, it's tender it's so tender, non-sexual nudity, this hurt to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21559810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adamarks/pseuds/Adamarks
Summary: I love him I love him I love himI’m sorry I can’t always say it. I don’t always know how. It’s so difficult to make my mouth move. My tongue function.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 29
Kudos: 155
Collections: My Favorite Snowbaz Fics





	rawest form

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theflyingpeach](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theflyingpeach/gifts).



I guess this was a weird thing to ask for. 

I was mortified to ask, honestly. I knew he wouldn’t care though. Not really. He never does when it’s something like this. Something so…

I run my fingers up his calf and feel the hair prickle as he gets goosebumps. Sometimes he shaves his legs but he hasn’t for a while. The hair’s long enough that it’s curling. His legs aren’t as toned as they used to be back at Watford. He doesn’t play football anymore. So it makes sense. 

My fingers climb up over his knee and I feel the ridges of the bones. They look a little wonky. I guess all knees do. I’ve never paid attention before. 

I keep going up the outside of his thigh. Feeling the hair thin and disappear the closer I get to his hip. I feel the top of his hip bone. He’s so soft. I lean down and kiss the crook of his waist. 

I love him I love him I love him

I move up my hand again and count every rib. 

I’m sorry I can’t always say it. I don’t always know how. It’s so difficult to make my mouth move. My tongue function. 

Up, up, around his shoulder, down his bicep. His arms are skinnier than mine, but he’s stronger than I could ever hope to be. 

Down his forearm. I feel the hair there too. His hand. I kiss the back of it. I turn it over. I look at the big lines in his palm. The little ones you never pay attention to. 

I don’t know all of you yet. Can I ever? I want to. So many years and I’ve never looked at these little lines before. You have three in the middle of your thumb pad. I kiss them. Is there enough time to kiss every part of you? 

I keep his hand in mine. Bring my other one up to his face. There’s stubble on his cheek. I kiss that. I trace his lips. I kiss them too. I run my finger behind his ear. So I know what that feels like too. 

He’s watching me. And letting me. 

Thank you for letting me. Thank you so much. 

I take my hand down his neck and feel his Adam’s apple as carefully as I can. He swallows and I feel it move. Thank you for trusting me. 

I feel the dip at the hollow of his throat. I feel the flatness of his sternum. Where bone ends into squishy belly. I kiss there too. I have to be careful. Because it’s him. And I want to. 

Down, down. His belly button. I love his belly button. No particular reason. I just do. Do I need one? 

I feel the hair start to slowly accumulate the further down I go. It’s thick and dark. I let my hand drift over his prick, too. It’s soft. Because that’s not what this is. This is something different. 

I squeeze his hand and bring my other hand around to his back and I smooth my palm up his spine. I could count every vertebra if I tried hard enough. But I’m looking at his eyes, so I don’t count. 

I could stare at his eyes forever. They’re so beautiful. They’re  _ him.  _ They’re the closest I’ll ever get to looking  _ into  _ him. His soul. Or him in his rawest form. 

Maybe when we die I can see him like that. Maybe we can click together like puzzle pieces like that. Maybe I could get close enough like that. 

“I love you.” My tongue is so heavy. I feel like I had to choke it out. 

“I love you too.” He didn’t even wait a breath. He didn’t even think. 

I love you I love you I love you I love you

I love you too

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry for my tender hate crimes

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [lightest touch](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23966335) by [nightimedreamer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightimedreamer/pseuds/nightimedreamer)




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